my room hasn’t been this clean since early june.
it blows my mind how much clarity you get while you’re going through the tasks: separating clothes by colors and style, folding clothes, hanging up sweaters, throwing away old mail, putting books on the shelf… thankfully i had john mayer singing to me the whole time (through a cd, but thats the closest i’m going to get while i’m stuck on this island).
it seems like every time i get around to cleaning my room, its after a long day of exhaustion. emotional exhaustion. all day today i’ve been down, waiting for my mom to be upset at me. lately thats all shes been doing— being crabby and giving me the silent treatment. tonight we had an epic fight that will go down in history… and tonight i came to realize that she is my role model.
never have i met a woman with a more inspirational story than my mom. and it took me 17 YEARS to realize it. every day of her life since my birth has been dedicated to me… the blood sweat and tears that went into raising me.. blows my mind. my mom wanted to protect me so she kept a lot of what happened in my childhood secret, until tonight. i learned so much about her today… up until today i had a false impression of what kind of woman she was. i feel so guilty for all the things i’ve said about her. all the wrong i’ve done.
from this day forth i’m going to do my best to try and repay her for all that she’s done for me. i’m going to exceed her hopes and dreams she has for me, and i will make her proud. i love you, mom. you are amazing, and i could not have asked for a better role model. it makes me sad that i only have (less than) 10 months to truly appreciate you. all the years i’ve wasted, all the years i’ve let you down… i’m so sorry. i will succeed, and i will not let you down.