Love isn’t him/her calming you down when you yell. It’s him/her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.
It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s her standing there, admitting she’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.
It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.
alright so for some reason, i’ve been staying up pretty late this past week or so. pretty late as in 2 AMish, 3 AMish, and tonight: 5 AMish. i occasionally look at my iChat buddy list, and Ki jung is ALWAYS, ALWAYS ON. NOT EVEN IDLE. every conversation goes something like this:
-hey -heey -what’re you doing? -nothing, can’t sleep -oh that sucks. you should sleep! we have class in X-AMOUNT hours! -yeaaah you too! why are you up?
&so on, so forth.
4:34 AM Ki Jung: … me: lmfao Ki Jung: i dont even know what to say to you anymore -_- me: LOL
it absolutely blows my mind how fast time has flown… i’ve experienced so much these past four years and although SOME of those experiences i wish i had never gone through, everything happens to make room for growth, and i’ve DEFINITELY grown as a person especially this past year.
through the years we’ve all gone through different loves(likes?) different friends different clothes different music different lifestyles… but in the end all you really have is YOU. so as i am about to graduate in a matter of days i can honestly say that high school was a success because i have matured and grown immensely as a person, and there is not much more that i could’ve asked for.
i don’t believe in one life one career path. why limit yourself to only one career pathway? when you accept a job, that doesn’t define who YOU are, it is just another gig you are doing to put bread on the table. i have one life to live, and i refuse to limit myself to just a SINGLE job for the rest of my life. that is just.. depressing. and fuccck THAT.
i want a taste in the following career fields: -Public Relations: that is what i’m going to school for really. -Interior Design: when i was younger i used to stay up for hours in bed thinking of every detail of a design concept for my room. not exaggerating at all. i used to really be into those glow-in-the-dark curtains with stars on it and stuff. -Illustrator/Artist: one can only dream, right?
it’s all part of the master plan… it will all happen. it has to.
Grace: Is there anything else that I can assist you with today? Me: no, thank you so much for all your help you were fantastic. Grace: Thank you for your lovely compliment!! Grace: Bank of America is delighted to have customers like you! Grace: It was a pleasure assist an esteemed customer like you today. Grace: We appreciate your business at Bank of America. Grace: To Safeguard any personal information, please close this window, by clicking on the “Close” button in the upper right corner of the chat window. Grace: I wish you have a great day ahead. Grace: Keep smiling and please do take care of yourself!
sometimes i sit back and think about how my life is going right now vs. how it was going a year ago. let’s compare and contrast.
1 year ago… friends: i was not pessimistic at all, and fully trusted my ‘best’ friends. love: fucking stupid. ‘nuff said. school: trying to finish the year off strong because sr year doesnt count as much job: none.
now… friends: i’m mad picky about who i surround myself with. i am fucking pessimistic about people, and i don’t trust anyone fully. it’s hard to open yourself upto people when someone so close to you fucks up your heart beyond full repair. love: i’m learning. school: LMU in the fall, high school is a joke at this point job: just got hired at ruehl, first day is on monday.
i’d say my life has really progressed in all aspects BESIDES friendships….. but when you go through something so bad that it changes your whole outlook on a part of your life, you realize… DON’T WASTE YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIME WITH BAD PEOPLE. DON’T WASTE YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIME WITH BAD PEOPLE. DON’T WASTE YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIME WITH BAD PEOPLE. DON’T WASTE YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIME WITH BAD PEOPLE. DON’T WASTE YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIME WITH BAD PEOPLE.
if the GOOD ones will screw you over, there is no question the bad ones will.
WHY IS IT that i get so fuckin’ nosey? straight up, when i get a hint that SOMETHIN isn’t right, i rape facebooks twitters myspaces so i can get info on whatever it is i’m looking for. why is it we all search for the negatives? why do we want so much to find out the ‘truth’—which might not even be the truth— even though we know it’ll bring us heartache and pain?
bitches, get off my man. wtFXup with excessive smiles, name-calling, wink faces, hearts… save that shit for YOUR love, hunnehgurl. and why the fuck are you goin’ about trying to get in touch with your ex you pretty much walked out on?
get the fuck outta here, FML. i am so, so fucking korean. and i have a lot of growing up to do. but i am grown enough to know not to step on another sista’s relationship.
i stay the F away from boys with girlfriends. even as friends, sketch factor is far too great. unnecessary drama. so why don’t YOU silly girls take a hint and try to avoid negatives? hm?
really excited for work on monday really excited for new clothes on monday really in need of fake nail removal lmfao really procrastinating and falling behind in my classes really not into the hot sticky gross weather really not looking forward to class in ze mornin reallllllllllllllllly SLEEPY but gotta write my paper. fml.
during school i’m a walking stress bomb, trying to ease my internal tension by joking around in classes and making people laugh, or making substitute teachers feel special, or whatever… i’m just not into ap exams week and deficiency week being the SAME FUCKING WEEK.
so then after school i have to run an errand or two each day, related to school bullshit.
then after that, i usually go to see benji and by the end of the day i’m generally not in the best of moods and get easily agitated, sad, whatever
i just want this week to be over i just NEED for this week to be over.